Anal Lube Giveaway (NSFW)
The following is part of Lilu’s TMI Thursdays. Visit Live it Love it for more.
I remember the first time we picked up the lube at the sex shop. It amused me to see such a “hardcore” image on the packaging itself. And that typeface! In heavy sans serif calling my name as if to say “FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH HELVETICA!” Penthouse Black Label Heavy Duty Anal Lube. It was sexy indeed. A designer who’s trained to appreciate beauty can’t help but buy the lube with imagery. Imagine…
You, me and Helvetica. We got a date. Place your fingers in the container and then your fingers on my ass and play. Play that punky emocore Blood Brothers shit that makes me feel 7 years younger and in art school. I know it’s no longer my usual fare, but babe, this isn’t my usual night. Remembering the night I was hopping up and down covered in sweat and pushing bodies against me in a musical orgy of sound. Remembering the night they opened for Glassjaw. Or the night the cute boy who loved Poison the Well found out I loved Poison the Well. Back when the same music taste meant you were perfect together, instead of things that really matter like lifestyles and values. He asked me out and I said no because I’m an idiot. I can only imagine what would have happened if I said yes, in his white, Anglo-Saxon, privileged counter-culturalism that made me think he’d fuck on the first date. I’ll stroke your cock with heavy duty anal lube. Make sure you’re ready to ravage my Asian ass. Make me scream higher than that blood curdling Blood Brothers as you place your big cock in me bareback and ride. Ride, baby, ride.
I’m giving away my Heavy Duty Anal Lube to a random commenter because I simply have no use for it any longer.
1) I am currently at a Zen monastery living a monastic and ascetic life. (Yes, I am aware I am a woman of paradox.)
2) I am single.
3) Obviously, with one and two combined, I am celibate (one year, five months and still going strong).
4) I don’t want to use the lube on a future partner because it’s tainted with bad ex karma.
5) I understand the value of impermanence and do not want to hold on to it any longer.
6) I am willing to give the rest away to a worthy person. There is still a lot left!!
If anyone wants FREE Floreta approved anal lube, comment now!! Comment as much as you’d like. Tweet this. Whatever. Each tweet or comment gives you another entry. What, you don’t want used lube? Try me. ^_~
UPDATE: Happy April fools. Hope you enjoyed my humor.
