Learning Compassion
Don’t become Buddhist! The world doesn’t need more Buddhists. Be compassionate! The world needs more compassion. – The Dalai Lama
Is compassion something we learn, or something we are born with? I’d like to think we are all born good, but some people have learned to be further from their true goodness. Further from their true selves. It happens every time we are physically, mentally or emotionally abused, treated unfairly, bullied. Not loved. Love is important. Love changes lives. Love makes you flourish. Compassion and Love, they go hand in hand. Love for humanity is synonymous with compassion for humanity. Make love, not war, as the hippies say.
You Are Not the Center of the Universe
Learning compassion happens slowly. For me, it took lost. Lost of a relationship. Lost of an identity. That lost challenged and pushed me to redefine me. Looking at myself objectively and realizing that I am not the center of the universe was the first step. Being selfish and self-centered doesn’t jive with being compassionate. You have to look outside yourself and your (small) world of problems, accomplishments, achievements. Be humble. When you get too preoccupied with what’s going on in your world–positive or negative–you forget to reach out and be compassionate. Either your ego is too big, or your self is too shattered. Both perspectives hinder your ability to look past yourself and really listen and learn from others.
Self and No Self
The best way to help other people is to help yourself. It starts from within. By helping yourself, you are able to do more good for others and by helping others, you are also helping yourself. This full circle is an indication that there is no distinction from where the self begins and other people end. We are all part of the same humanity; the same consciousness. Self and no self? It’s all the same. Both encompass a whole. You have to find yourself to lose yourself and lose yourself to find yourself. Compassion comes when self and no self merge together. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the compassion within to bring without. Do a little bit more yoga or meditation to be grounded and centered. Don’t let the inner critic win.
As I type, my inner critic is constantly telling me how crappy my writing is. I’m a perfectionist, and it takes forever to write something “decent”. If I become too wrapped up in my inner critic, I won’t have enough time or energy to have compassion for other people, let alone compassion for myself. Just let go and realize how small the problem actually is. We make things bigger in our minds than they actually are. It’s easy to do, and causes conflict. The best thing is to let it go. Combat the inner critic with gratitude. Problems don’t seem so big when you realize how much you have.
The Big Give
There is a contest called The Big Give that helps exercise your compassion by doing something kind for other people. If you’re into prompts and community support, The Big Give may be for you. Changing the world can be as simple as making someone smile. Making their day more enjoyable. Changing their perception of humanity. It’s all about making meaningful choices that affect others in beneficial ways. We all make choices, every day. We each have a hand at changing the world.
This weekend, we went to an all-girl’s orphanage to spread some joy. We played games with them, performed our Tai Chi Kung Fu fan routine, and mingled. I wish we had more time with them, because it didn’t feel like enough. I was glad that we could at least make them smile and laugh while we were there. I appreciate outings like this.
Leave a Reply
11 Responses to “Learning Compassion”
TrackBack URL :
Two things about this post resonate to my core:
1. “This full circle is an indication that there is no distinction from where the self begins and other people end. We are all part of the same humanity; the same consciousness.”
2. “Combat the inner critic with gratitude. Problems don’t seem so big when you realize how much you have.”
The first seems to speak to compassion for others, and the second to compassion for the self. Personally, I find it much more difficult to have compassion for my self, but when I read these lines, I’m reminded that life is a full circle. Not a circle that cuts off just before it gets back around to me. I am a part of that circle (and not at the center of it), and compassion for others and for self are necessary acts of the human soul, I believe. Compassion seems to be the what, and gratitude seems to be the how.
Thank you for this perspective, Floreta.
loved your thoughts and impressions on compassion/gratitude. just because you’re not the center of the universe doesn’t mean you’re not a part of it! i think compassion just means realizing your part of the circle and contributing/connecting.. rather than acting like you’re cut off!
Really BEING compassionate – permanently – surely takes some time for most people. I’m not a guru, I’m not balanced. Maybe I’ll never make it. I don’t know. At least it’s a voyage for me, personally.
On the other hand, random acts of kindness are so easy and so much fun. They are certainly a great way to get going. Strangers are so surprised even by small details of kindness, it not only makes their day, but also yours.
Also, I think it’s so true that you better start with yourself. Do a random act of kindness to yourself and you’ll be pleased… you deserve it as much as anybody else!
ahh i’m not a guru either. of anything. far from it!! i think it’s hard to be in a permanent state of compassion. it’s easier to think for yourself and not other people. especially in america, we have a culture based off of this model! and it’s capitalistic. individualistic and a little selfish by nature.. Random acts for yourself and others is the best way to get started on compassion!
I hope many people read this today – “You are not the centre of the universe” is something we ALL need to hear every once in a while. It’s something I realise I was guilty of inadvertently believing for the longest time – I’ve written about how I used to have AWFUL social anxiety but in admitting that, I admit that I was worried by what other people thought of ME. When it reality it doesn’t matter at all! I just wrote today, when I stopped making everything about me, things just kind of tended to work themselves out… Never let the inner critic win is HUGELY life changing, and when we’re a little more compassionate toward ourselves, we can put great things out into the world.
I guess I could have said “you are not the center of the universe; you are a part of it.” to be less harsh. but ah, glad you got what I was saying! it’s SO true that worrying what other people think and having anxiety about it means you are self-observed. I used to be the SAME WAY. it isn’t always about being confident and thinking you’re all that with a big ego.. it could also mean feeling really small and unworthy of anything, feeling like the world is judging you. both views, even though they seem polar opposites, are still very me-centric. it just has to start with yourself, and having compassion for yourself!
Great post and it resonates with what the Dalai Lama says on Twitter lately
Btw, yout Tweet This! button didn’t work for me. It wrote “Learning compassion -”, but didn’t create any link.
hehe you follow him too?
I follow so many people that it gets lost sometimes so I had to check his tweet profile to see what you’re talking about. I guess “Love and compassion are the pillars for world peace.” is the best one that fits this post I wrote. Hmm, not sure about the tweet this. I tried it and it worked
“You Are Not the Center of the Universe”
I knew I liked you.
Great post. All so true.
Great post, as always, thoughtful and heartfelt. Forgetting oneself is the key. Enjoying what the world has to offer. Not worrying about one’s own progress or achievements. Just letting oneself-be.