Why I Won’t Become A Monk
Recently, I shaved my head. What I neglected to mention was how hard it was to do it! First, I got a passive aggressive “no” from the monks and fa shi (teacher) from the temple. I finally realized why look for approval and validation for a hair cut choice when you are your own master of your life? Something Buddhism teaches. I knew I needed to let go and detach myself from any outside opinions and criticisms. I knew that by shaving my head, I was actually practicing Buddhism Dharma teachings of non-attachment or detachment in the best way I knew how in this moment! Booyah, Buddhism!
The first two barber shops refused to shave my head. It was wild, and I guess it didn’t help that my already softspoken voice was extra quiet and timid. I didn’t come in with conviction but they referred me to another shop around the corner. To my delight, the person shaving my head was a ladyboy! An irony since we were both participating in gender bending. What I would like to do but probably never do is get some tasteful nudes taken of me with a shaved head, because androgyny is fun and sexy with feminine boobies (unless you have manboobs, in which case, I’m sorry).
That’s not the point of this post, though. The point is, even though I shaved my head, I won’t be turning into a monk anytime soon (or, ever), or joining the military (I mean com’n. What kind of monk poses nude?). While this monastery retreat is NOT monastic training, it does give us a shallow glimpse into monastic way of life and culture. I’m surprised and delighted to find that some of my co-learners are set on becoming a monk, have thought about becoming a monk, or are making the important decision soon enough. The beauty of gathering 12 people together to learn about Buddhism is that we all have our own unique goals, mindsets, temperaments and cultures. For me, I’d rather take my samsara (suffering) cycle and embrace my layperson life. Guys are worth the suffering; the manic ecstacy and depression. Detachment from suffering, emotions, life, seems like a life not worth living. Some of my most profound moments have happened at my lowest times. The ability to go through failures, mistakes, rough times is actually a stasis for growth. For me, the beauty of life is the layperson life, but for some, who aren’t interested in wordly affairs and carnal pleasures, monkhood would be a great path. For a girl who writes erotica in her free time (or more like: thinks about writing it and attempts to but never starts or finishes), it’s not the life for me.
What is the life for me?
Kirsty asked what my 10 year goal was, and I let it sit in the back of my head to be answered later. The downside of living life in the moment, wherever the wind blows me, and flying by the seat of my pants is that I hardly have any real plans or goals. I have “ideas”, not goals. Goals intimidate me, but ideas are free; able to percolate and come into fruition in their own time.
The truth is, I don’t have a 10 year plan, or goal. I can’t live my life that linearly. I refuse to. Why give myself expectations that will only disappoint and try to build a constricting frame that might not fit? I’d rather be an open canvas! My 10 year idea is pretty simple and only consists of two major things.
Family Building and Solopreneurship
I can’t be a monk because I DO have some “traditional” ideas of family. While I make it a point to seem inherently non-traditional, I’m actually quite conservative when it comes to relationships and family. I don’t believe in divorce, and consequentially, I’m not quite sure I believe in marriage either (though I DO believe in gay marriage and feel that it will revive the institution but that’s beside the point). The reasons I’m single is that I couldn’t be bothered with frivolous dating or hookup culture. I feel that if I’m going to be with someone, it better be someone I feel I could have longterm potential with. I’ll try not to fit square pegs in round holes if that’s not the case, but I’m very choosy when it comes to finding partnership. Dating just doesn’t cut it for me, or even looking. Still, I’d love to have a family, someday, in its own time.
The balance between being career driven and family oriented is a hard one. In one extreme, as the stay-at-home mom, I feel you run the risk of losing yourself and on the other extreme, you won’t be able to give the love and attention that a child needs if you start a family. I am willing to lose myself in being a mother but I’m also willing to find myself and rediscover what I can offer. Being a solopreneur not only makes traveling and working from anywhere easier, it could also feasibly make raising a child at home easier as well! I’ve tried being the career woman. I learned after college and two professional jobs as a graphic designer that working “in the rat race” and “Corporate America” or “working for the man” was not who I was or am meant to be. It sucked the life out of me.
How can I do this better?
I’m still trying to find this out. In reality, career development is the area I feel least confident in. I guess I’m hoping this travel journey will help me figure it out along the way. I know I’m lost, but for once, I don’t want to be found! I’m having a pretty great time exploring and having fun. Future? Anxiety? Puh-lease! I’ve been entertaining the idea of traveling for several years and being a “professional nomad”; working along the way. Wouldn’t it be romantic if I found a nomadic adventurer willing to rule the world with me? No expectations, but I can dream right?
My “traditional” family won’t be living in a house with a picket fence. I’ll blaze my trail and find my own tradition. Here’s a hint: I already am.
Leave a Reply
30 Responses to “Why I Won’t Become A Monk”
TrackBack URL :
I’m saying this is the least pervy way possible: I totally think you should move forward with the shaved-head nude photoshoot thing.
There’s something about that androgynous-but-clearly-female look that is just incredibly artsy and cool, and I think it’s something you’d be able to look back on years later and say ‘yeah, I’m kind of a badass.’
.-= Colin Wright´s last blog ..Minimalism, Doritos and Heidi Klum =-.
Ah! You realize now that aside from “shave my head” on my bucket list it is now “shave my head and get tasteful nude photos”!? I do think it’d be (kind of) badass but at a TEMPLE!? lol… and who will be my photographer? haha the “causes and conditions” (a Buddhist term I’ve been hearing/learning a lot about) are just not right for it. Besides, if I wanted nude photos done I’d want it to be professional OR self-portraits.
Thanks for the post. I totally also agree (in a non-pervy way) that you should go with the nude photo. Imagine showing it to your kids when (if) that does come about.
I like that you raise the issue and problems with having ’10 year goals’ – I have struggled with that question many times, and surely will continue to. I think, the place I’m in now, is one of having those ‘ideals’ you spoke about well visualized in my mind, and then allowing the rest to fall into place.
I love that the (non-pervy) guys are in on this
though, I doubt I will show my (future non existent) kids nude pictures of me in my younger years. I’m not THAT cool! or, am I? I think having ideals or ideas is a good way to go. The rest WILL fall into place!
there’s far too much wanderlust in you to be a true monastic. And that’s a good thing. You’re finding balance. “Solitude is not a place, but a state-of-being” I read today, and after you’re training here, you’ll learn to create the peace of the monastery in the craze of the “real world”
…even when you do have a family
You’ve got a good thing going. Don’t tweak what you know to be you.
You do you, Flo. You do you.
.-= Chase´s last blog ..The one with the odd job, drag queens, and little old ladies =-.
Yeah, family can be pretty hectic, crazy and scary no?
Thanks for all your encouragement! Really.
You always say “you do you” or “you do you well”… The repetition is helping though.
My two centavos: the monastic life isn’t exactly free of detachments either. It may help since you’ll be leaving the attachments of lay person-hood, but you’ll just end up forming attachments within the monastery anyway. Monastic life is not an absolute prerequisite of true non-attachment – although again, it may help.
As for me, I have found that being a husband and father is full of Dharma teachings. Your own life is your best teacher, I think.
Gassho _/|\_
.-= Rafael Ayala´s last blog ..My So-called Past Life =-.
thanks for your two centavos here
great points. they help make me think and figure things out. you’re right that being a monk or having that label doesn’t in itself free you from detachment.. it can sure make it easier, and maybe make being ‘free from suffering’ a lot easier? i guess i just value the challenges of the day to day from a laymen’s world. life IS the best teacher, whether you choose the path of monastic, priest, nun or parent! just be yourself through it all. the labels are mainly superficial.
I’m the same way, I can’t possibly set a ten year goal as I change so much every year, and so do my values and ideas. Anyway it’s more exciting to live that way; be ‘a blank canvas’ and so many more opportunities are available to you.
yay for blank canvasses! i even feel silly for admitting i want a family since i have no boyfriend. the conditions for THAT happening aren’t exactly completely my control either.. a little bit of free will but a little bit of the universe providing.. in my opinion anyway.
i’m lost just the same, and cant even figure out WHAT i want for the 10years later, but its comforting to know i’m not the only one still finding myself.
rock on, i think you’re really cool
aw, i think you’re really cool too!
i think us 20somethings are known for not knowing what we want or still finding ourselves. it’s all part of the journey!
You both are cool and you both will be blogging in 10 years from now and probably saying how crazy you were in 2010, but you don’t regret anything
.-= My Kafkaesque Life´s last blog ..Our trip to Kenting, Taiwan’s paradise =-.
haha crazy to think in 10 years I’ll still be blogging… but you’re probably right
Floreta, I don’t have any concrete comments on your post because I’m too tired from a long weekend of driving, but I loved it. I love reading your thoughts on family in particular, and I love how you’re so open to adventure and life.
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..2 is better than 1, but what about 3? =-.
thank you! I won’t get upset if the family thing doesn’t happen. I think the main thing is to build family through community. Having a wide network of people and friends
Oh I totally agree with the nude shot with a shaven head (and that’s in a slightly pervy, but mostly artistic way) – at least I’m honest
), I’d love to take photos of someone like that.
I have to agree with not having a 10 year plan too. My dad told me to have a 1,5 + 10 year plan when I was younger, but life changes so quickly, it’s barely worth thinking about 5 let alone 10.
Ultimately just work at what you want and have faith in yourself
.-= AdventureRob´s last blog ..Surfers Paradise =-.
lol I do appreciate your honesty. Are you offering to take those pictures? ;P
Glad to know so many people aren’t into 10 year plans.
Erotic and artistic nude shot of you and your shaven head: YES PLEASE! Is it pervy to say so? Well, I don’t know how to separate the artistic from the erotic. I think what’s erotic is also artistic.
And on another note: I don’t do 10-year plans either. I can understand planning for a year, two years. But TEN YEARS?! What am I, a corporation?
.-= Rafael Ayala´s last blog ..Walking vs. Riding Piggyback =-.
but what’s pervy from erotic? i also think erotic is artistic. or i wouldn’t be thinking about nude photography
haha, i like what you say about corporations!
As I recall hearing, the hairdresser refused to shave Britney’s head, too, and she ended up grabbing a razor and doing it herself. Of course my impression was that she seemed a little crazy at the time, rather than just a little timid and quiet.
That’s really cool, though, what you’re doing, and what you’ve decided about yourself. I don’t know how I’m planning to balance family and work. Just winging it for now!
.-= Eleni´s last blog ..Bazaar Winnings, and download Portal for free =-.
haha yeah, I have a long way before I have to seriously decide about all that stuff.
Winging it is the way to go.
Didn’t know about Britney but I’m sure she was much less timid than me, obviously. I should have just done it myself with an old fashioned razor!
I love how you think … you are on a wonderful path … your awareness is the light that shows all and hides nothing. Thank-you for sharing this part of your journey.
.-= Mark´s last blog ..If I Won The Lottery … =-.
OMG I can’t believe this!!! But DANG you make it look good!
Oh wow, Floreta! You look hot in this picture. A shaved head suits you. Very androgenic.
aw thanks. I like androgyny
Seriously lady, major props for you. Everytime I read your blog I just get this incredible high. I love how you are living your life.. As for the nude thing goes, If you comforable with it- go for it! You are amazing and such an inspiration!
.-= carissa´s last blog ..This may be my most embarrassing confession yet. I’ve got the fever. And I’m Creepy. =-.
I’m glad to know reading my blog gives you such a high! It’s inspiring to hear these encouragements because I certainly do try to live high on life.
As for the nude thing, I know an artist/photographer who wants to bodypaint and photograph me nude when I’m “done being a gypsy woman” (lol)… might consider that opportunity to do androgyny again…
Often, it’s our journey and not our destinations that matter the most. What we do and what we experience along the way is for me a better way of experiencing life than say planning carefully what comes ahead 10 years from now and never finding it. I admire your quest on finding yourself through travels!
Very well put and I completely agree! It’s the journey that will make us happy, not focusing on the destination (goals, outcomes). This is how I truly live life.