If Britney Spears Can Shave Her Head At Her Worst, I Can Do It At My Best
Here’s the dillio (Dealy yo? Who says that anymore!?)
Imagine me. Nineteen years old and fresh out of high school. A little bit punky. A little bit riot grrl. And maybe a whole lot of emo. I had a boyfriend I wasn’t really into but was too afraid of being Alone. Picture the kind of mental instability that is your teens and early twenties, a bundle of un-confidence and raw emotion; a wanting to push status-quo, with my short pixie spiked hair and Chuck Taylor exterior, and a not-so-brave interior. I wanted to shave my head then. Own my non-conformity. I wanted to prove to myself that I could “pull it off”. But, I couldn’t do it. Would I look ugly? Would people think I was a lesbo? Dyke? Butch? Oh, the horror!
The Butch-y Buddhist
Eight years later and I am living an ascetic (as I’ll ever be) lifestyle at a Buddhist monastery for four months (3 left, and counting…). I have always wanted to shave my head at least once in my life just to try it. Why not? Consider it on my bucket list. What better way to finally shave my head than living monastically (loosely speaking) and studying Buddhism, right? Right. I mean, sex and sexuality are so beyond my current plane of existence that I might as well be little buddha (unenlightened folk don’t deserve capital letters).
The implications of a shaved head in normal society are a cause of concern for many. Butch! Dyke! Lesbo! My classmates say I look like a little boy, butch, lesbo, GI Jane, a hot lesbian (at least I look like a hot one!) and my personal favorite: Mulan (heck yeah, she kicks ass!). Shaving my head is a personal choice to detach from my hair, from the concepts of beauty, from social norms, and from the status-quo. It takes a certain kind of confidence for women to shave their head. Confidence in their sexuality; enough not to be bothered by social expectations and implications. Confidence in their gender and gender roles; enough not to be bothered by the androgynous look. The decision and outcome is completely liberating, and at least for me, completely mind blowing.
For me, sexuality is fluid. I’m more straight than gay but not quite straight, either. That’s entirely natural and entirely OK. Eight years ago, I wouldn’t have been comfortable with “what society thinks”, but now? I couldn’t care less. Buddhism has taught me the power of non-attachement. And finally being comfortable in my sexuality is mind blowing (note to self: stop thinking about the blowing part now).
If Britney Spears Can Shave Her Head At Her Worst, I Can Do It At My Best
These days, I feel (figuratively, and now, literally) lighter. Happier. More joyful. Maybe it’s this simple routine here. The meditation. The healthy, vegetarian meals. Everything and Nothing all at once. Eight years ago, I would have never done what I am now unafraid to do. It takes courage. It’s mind blowing. Exhilarating. Liberating. Heartening. And while I know that this happiness is not permanent, I’m enjoying each and every moment while I can.
There’s a sort of craziness that happens when you’re at peace and at one with yourself. Not the Britney Spears manic kind of crazy. Not the get-your-life-together-you’re-so-messed-up sort of crazy. More like a life-is-so-beautiful-and-you’re-talking-to-yourself-and-singing-like-your-life-is-a-musical sort of crazy. Or sensory overload with 11 other people who are just as crazy as you are 24/7. Or just laughing a lot for no reason, talking to bugs to say you didn’t mean to hurt them, or dancing crazy to Bjork sort of crazy.
Or you know. Shaving your head sort of crazy.
Vanity
Despite the detachment to hair, beauty, or social norms, I am still vain. The paradox of myself. I still want to be able to “pull it off” when I shave my head. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look like a boy, or a lesbian and think this probably isn’t the best look for me. Other times I look in the mirror and think “damn, I’m sexy!” I had a whole photoshoot full of pictures that I will share out of simple vanity. The semi-bald yogi.
Leave a Reply
54 Responses to “If Britney Spears Can Shave Her Head At Her Worst, I Can Do It At My Best”
TrackBack URL :
suits youuuuuu!
.-= tinay´s last blog ..libut =-.
aww thank you! i think shorter hair in general suits me best. overall i do prefer a ‘softer’ cut though, instead of the military/buzz cut
You still pull it off. It’s good to have a little vanity.
I like your poses and started trying some in my room (in my head). lol!
Truly inspiring! Feels the same when I took off my locs. Light and free!
Ohh locs are gorgeous but I bet without is great on you too!
I smiled when I thought of you doing the poses.. in your head! lol
The joy of no hair is that your face takes centre stage – and yours shouldn’t be hidden! Haven’t seen you with hair, but you’d have a job to make your face look better by hiding it! I shaved my head in the 90s, and never regretted it (except in the winter when I lost my hat!) now I’m old & craggy, I soften the look a bit, with short hair ;o) What the hell does it matter what other people think? Bottom line, you’re the only person who has to live with you, and if you’re happy with it, other people’s opinions are really only expressions of their insecurities, you don’t have to make them yours, too.
.-= Michele Nicholls´s last blog ..What kind of geek are you? =-.
Thanks for your comment here! I definitely like your train of thought. I do prefer short hair over anything else so I’ll probably let it grow out just a bit. I like highlighting my face and feel as you say that a shorter hairstyle is a lot softer, more feminine than the shaved/buzz cut look. But still a nice thing to try at least once! I definitely don’t regret it either.
You totally pulled it off sweetie. I’m so proud of you. I think I’m too vain to do something like that, or maybe I’m just insecure, I have really high cheekbones and I think if I shave my head I’d look like a full moon. Kudos to you sweetie. You definitely look hot. =)
.-= chinkygirlmel´s last blog ..Updates and Question Game =-.
it’s funny that i still consider myself vain even with the short hair! sometimes i think i pull it off and other times i don’t really think so.
LOVE the one of you smiling on the ground! Girl, you are rocking this. I’m not that brave, hehe.
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..Scenes from a weekend =-.
that’s my favorite one too!
I love that you let go of your hair. Courage indeed to let go of that which we concern ourselves about in regards to what society thinks.
Part of my courage comes in knowing I’m not really out in normal society. The temple isn’t a total seclusion experience, but we only go out once a week!
You look stunning with all that energy and vitality! It makes me miss my shaved head. So freeing to never have to worry about hair.
Deciding that you don’t have to conform to social norms is one of the biggest personal struggles us independent women fight. This is not to lessen the struggle that men face, I just can’t speak for them. Embrace your androgyny! Embrace your fluid sexuality! (I sound like such a hippie!)
I started telling people I was an opportunist rather than straight/gay/bi. There’s no association with the word and it leaves me free to be attracted to whomever I am attracted to. It’s a label I’m happy to apply to the rest of my life as well: personal, business, etc. We don’t have to decide to be any one thing but us. And ‘us’ is a great many things.
With that poetic bit out of the way. Rock on with the shaved head! You are making me all sorts of jealous!
.-= Andi´s last blog ..be glad they took it (not your second virginity. you can keep that.) =-.
awesome! I can definitely see you with a shaved head and pulling it off as well. To me, it’s not that much different than short pixie hair which is what you have yeah? And I had it years ago so I knew that I could “pull it off”.
Embrace your inner hippie! I am.
I like the opportunist bit. I have a problem with straight/lesbian/bi as well. I really don’t feel like any of it really fits me! Maybe I just hate categorizing myself. I’ve heard of the term “pansexuality” which seems to describe people that have the potential to be attracted to people, regardless of sexual identity, gender or biological sex. Might be too weird for most, but I like the sexual/gender fluidity of it.
My favorite is the 4th from bottom one, where you are smiling.
thanks! that’s my favorite because it shows my genuine smile. not my fake camera smile.
Looks great! I’ve been waiting for an excuse to do this! Ahhhh, so jealous!
.-= Colin Wright´s last blog ..Want to Earn Some Moola and a Loving Caress? =-.
Very cool and you look beautiful!
I could say that I decided to get my zafu out of the closet after reading this – wich would be true. But to be honest, all I can think right now is: You look so damn hot with that shaved head”
Yay! You did it!
Hooray, I can see your pictures!! You look amazing with the shaved head. You are a ball full of confidence. I love the Mulan reference. Awesome….you’re inspiring : )
.-= Write Girl´s last blog ..Blue’s Pie (Short Story) =-.
It’s a nice look for you actually. You pull it off!
Love the pics. And love what you’re doing.
Massive kudos to you!! That takes a ton of courage. I don’t think I could ever do it but you pull it off beautifully. I love your reasoning behind it!
Wow, congrats for the bold move. I admire you
.-= My Kafkaesque Life´s last blog ..About our trip to Southern Taiwan =-.
thanks! I think it’s easier for me to know the impermanence of the hair change
it will grow back.
It sounds as though you really agonized over the procedure, but in the end it was a good move. It looks really great. Wasn’t it Shakespeare that wrote “to your own self be true”? That is more important than what other people may think.
.-= old egg´s last blog ..A Sad Song of Courage =-.
Shakespeare sounds right! Yeah I did actually agonize about the decision. The monks actually wouldn’t “let me” but I decided to do it anyway.
Woo! You finally done it
You still look hot you know.
Great to see you happy there too n_n
.-= AdventureRob´s last blog ..Mid-Week Photo: Surfers Paradise Beach =-.
totally happy here! though, I wonder if I could keep this lifestyle. I think part of it is knowing that it’s only temporary.
I have to agree with Kristan, I ADORE that photo of you on the ground. You are totally rocking it and you’re an inspiration to everyone. I love the story behind this!!
.-= Emily Jane´s last blog ..BLOGGING RANT: The Cost of Self-Promotion =-.
thanks! The story is great I suppose but I totally forgot to write about the struggle to finally do it and then the part where I got my hair shaved from a ladyboy. haha.
You. Look. STUNNING.
And this: “sexuality is fluid” is beautiful. I used to say I was “open-minded,” but I like fluid much, much better.
.-= Doniree´s last blog ..Can I get you anything? =-.
thanks Doni! Yes I like sexual ‘fluidity’. But I also like open-mindedness
Beautiful. No surprise. A group of friends and I periodically wonder aloud which of the women we know could “do bald.” I would have put you at the top of the list, for sure. Bravo.
thanks! I probably wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t think I could “do bald”. Actually, it makes me more motivated to exercise cos I feel “tougher”… ha.
Char!
I am so proud of you! You know, it really feels you are my sister now that you shaved your head… Or actually brother. Like how monks refer to each other, despite gender.
So you finally shaved your head. I heard about your plan when I was there but I didn’t have a chance to talk to you. I am happy to see you really enjoying the simple life.
Btw, did Beau shave too?
lol no not yet. But I think she will eventually.
aw thanks brother! or should i say bro. haha.
Hehe, I am currently thinking about selling my hair. That won’t probably advance me spiritually, but at least it would finance my life here for about two weeks…
.-= Fabian | The Friendly Anarchist´s last blog ..How to Live Life at Your Own Pace (Part 3): Work and Study =-.
lol, every little bit helps.
two weeks is a long time! relatively speaking.
I think you look great. I’m so glad Buddhism has been so positive and inspirational to you. It really is a beautiful spiritual path. I love detaching from your hair. I wish I had the guts to do it. Good for you!
It’s beautiful but for me, it’s hard. Normal everyday dramas and ‘lay people’ would be hard to follow the “middle path”. In some ways it feels like it’s an extreme path, not moderate! I actually “gave up” on Buddhism before because I thought it was too ‘hard’ for me. What I like about it though is its practicality and similarities from Western psychology. Sound advice to living a happier life. Taking another stab, I guess.
First – love the title. Second – I still say dillio or dealy-o depending on my mood
.-= Abbie´s last blog ..Some of My Favorite Posts =-.
lol. I’m glad someone commented on that!! I suppose I was in the mood too then
also, because I’m horny and at a temple, I glanced over and thought that said dildo.
How fun are these photos! Look atchoo and your badass confident self. Rock it, Flo.
.-= Chase´s last blog ..The one with the odd job, drag queens, and little old ladies =-.
yeah, i’m kind of a badass
thanks Chase!
Flo-
You are my new hero.
I am SO proud of you!
Your adventures are gorgeous, crazy, free, and beautiful. You look so full of life and so happy. I envy you and love you and adore you and admire you.
Keep writing, keep living… I hope our paths cross some day soon.
xoxoxo!
TB
i too hope our paths cross! <3
thanks chica, it means a lot!
You’re beautiful, Flor. I hope I’ll be able to achieve that kind of courage. Thank you for the inspiration.
.-= Noelle Dotillos´s last blog ..Cebu Blog Camp 2010 =-.
So that news story about Jason proposing to Britney in Hawaii was just completely false. Just got it from the britney spears internet site.
Surely Britney cannot wear all of these perfumes she releases. One more has just come out.
You are so fearless and truly beautiful. I randomly saw your comment on Sex Love Liberation and I’m so happy I clicked your blog! I’m sure this is the weirdest comment ever but you just made my day. I live for reading the stories of strong, kick ass women and you’re making our gender proud. And it is sweet that you are living at a Monastery, that is probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever read.