I Lost My Muse
I lost my muse. She left as soon as I became Myself again. Equalizing heart-body-soul in an equilibrium. I never considered myself a poet, but for a brief moment, the words soared. Burst out of some shell I didn’t know I had and offered hope and understanding. My muse is a nurturer. She provides. She gives. She comforts. And she helps me create. Like a baby being born. Poems take on their own shape. Their own sense of life. Let me give birth to this poem. Love it and care for it and feed it. Poems don’t come when the storms are calm. This isn’t a poem, after all.
* * *
It was Elizabeth Gilbert on a TED talk that first made me think of creativity as something that we tap into rather than something we internally possess. Many creative writers, musicians and artists have been tormented with creative “genius” that often leads to a fine line between sanity and madness. Madness comes when internalizing your genius causes you to hold on and take root. Soon, creativity isn’t something that you control, but something that controls you. Think of Michael Jackson, Virginia Wolfe, Vincent Van Gogh and Sylvia Plath. All of these famous figures were geniuses in their art but were also plagued by madness. As an artist, you have to learn to let go.
I remember when words flowed out of me like poetry. I didn’t know I had it in me, but it was after a rough patch of my life. Creativity flowed through me like never before. It was as if this dry well that I had been trying to fill up with creativity was suddenly overflowing. Although the words and thoughts were mine, the creativity was a source that I had somehow tapped into. Years of searching for it, wondering why I wasn’t an “artist” anymore and all of a sudden, it all came back to me. This time, instead of paint and paintbrush, through words and keystrokes. I learned how to reclaim the artist in me. I learned not to berate myself for no longer being an “artist” just because I haven’t picked up a brush in years. The artist in me still lives on.
Sometimes, I still get jealous of former classmates from art school. The ones who look like Suicide Girls and have model pictures and tattoos. The ones who have accomplished a quirky, artsy and independent lifestyle and are self-published writers, artists and filmmakers. The grass is always greener on the other side, even when I’m having an Elizabeth Gilbert-esque Eat, Pray, Love adventure of my own.
I lost my muse and she disappeared when criticism, judgment and perfectionism stepped in. When your heart is hurting, you live life in a more raw existence. This allows you not to pre-judge anything. What you get is pure raw emotion. On paper. On canvas. The conditions are ripe for creativity. When I get jealous of other creatives, what I’m doing is only keeping myself further away from creativity, by letting judgment set in.
All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. – Picasso
We all possess creativity, the problem is how to tap into it. I think of creative source as a consciousness. Creativity can be described as a “Gift from God”. We all have the ability to tap into it, but some seem able to more than others. Empty your cup. Let all prejudice and judgment go, and creativity can begin again. Give yourself permission to make bad art. Give yourself the leniency to explore and take your time. In time, maybe I’ll find my brushes again.
What do you do to stay creative?
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25 Responses to “I Lost My Muse”
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Brilliant writeup, very insightful, and I think a fitting post for the prompt word.
.-= The Dark Lord´s last blog ..Trembling =-.
thanks so much! I love the subject of creativity.
I would say, a genuine or rather unique expression of love. I do believe that our muse comes at almost an unexpected time and sure enough, words flow like honey!
Beautiful one Floreta!
yes
I like the idea of having my own muse.. That creativity is not ‘mine’ but something that’s shared.
this is probably the truest (for me) post I have ever read from you. If where you have been got you here it was worth every step of the journey.
.-= Dee´s last blog ..Dance =-.
Quite an insightful post about creativity. Creativity can flow at any time. The best thing to do is to spend time continuously cultivating it and trying new things. Trying different mediums is also another way to stretch one’s creativity. I agree with this “Give yourself permission to make bad art.” Awesome post Floreta.
.-= Write Girl´s last blog ..Prayers (Pantoum) =-.
“I lost my muse and she disappeared when criticism, judgment and perfectionism stepped in.” These words resonated deeply…truer words were never spoken. What a thoughtful post you’ve written…thanks for sharing.
.-= Sweetest in the Gale´s last blog ..One Single Impression: Love =-.
I say you are right on with this brilliant!
Pamela
.-= pamela´s last blog ..star struck osi #118 has asked us to write about love and here is my response =-.
Very wise post – TED is a great source of wonderfully creative talks!
That was the first TED video I had ever seen and I’ve been hooked ever since!
Having recently read “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield, my question would be: Is this maybe just resistance? His argument is that the muses are always there, waiting for us to get over it to then help us with our creative endeavors. I personally have felt something similar, which is why I see “the magic of getting started” as the biggest thing to do. What helps? Maybe, as proposed by Pressfield, the invocation of the muse from Homer’s Odyssey:
“O Divine Poesy, goddess, daughter of Zeus, sustain for me this song of the various-minded man who, after he had plundered the innermost citadel of hallowed Troy, was made to stray grievously about the coasts of men, the sport of their customs, good and bad, while his heart, through all the sea-faring, ached with an agony to redeem himself and bring his company safe home. Vain hope—for them. The fools! Their own witlessness cast them aside. To destroy for meat the oxen of the most exalted Sun, wherefore the Sun-god blotted out the day of their return. Make this tale live for us in all its many bearings, O Muse. . . .”
All the best!
.-= Fabian | The Friendly Anarchist´s last blog ..Towards Ethical Lifestyle Design =-.
Hi Fabian!
This sounds like an excellent book! I agree getting started is the hardest part.. Tapping into our creative muse.. You’re right that they’re always there. I like the idea of having a mantra to bring out the muse. Thanks for the comment!
I’ve always considered myself a bad artist, when it comes to drawing/paintings, it’s annoying as my dad seems to be pretty good at it, although he only really drew cartoon characters for me and my sister when we was younger.
I never really considered my writing to be art, I guess it is in a way though
This is one of your posts which has turned out to be my personal favorite…of course, you know why, Floreta. The creative genius is always a person residing on a different plane. Or else he can just be a normal guy like you and me, and yet he becomes an extra-ordinary persona at the particular hour of the creative frenzy when his Muse smiles on him. This is akin to the theory of Shavian Superman or Shaw’s theory of life force. Like his theory, I believe the ‘Writing Force’ to be an impersonal pure thought which captivates souls(flesh/matter) to express itself. So, the Muse imprisons the best possible person to express itself. Hence the creative frenzy as best described in Coleridge’s ‘Kubla Khan’ or the impulsive urge to create when someone is possessed: “Close your eyes in holy dread/For he on honey dew has fed/And drunk the milk of paradise”. There are innumerable articles on Artistic madness and Virginia Woolf as u referred is a strong case in this regard. Many poet’s psychedelic visions and transcendentalism is however, drug induced as you find in Coleridge and Thomas Quincey’s famous book ‘Confessions of an English Opium Eater”. Pink Floyd was into Psychedelic rock and Beatles in Sgt. Peppers’ became a part of many disputes regarding drug usage. Add to that the allegations of the anti-rock movement like they supported communism and were devil’s disciples sparked off by Lenon’s “More popular than Christ” controversy. Not to digress too much, the drug induced transcendentalism, pain from powerful cathartic art or the creative frenzy are not too disjoint as they seem for they will all come under the broad umbrella of ‘Creative genius and madness”. The losing of creative faith as u mention or a “writer’s block” as we popularly know these days, happens to every author and on a more personal note, I’m going thru’ it right now. May be that’s why the Greeks worshiped the Muses with the other Olympian Gods. I personally have a problem with the usage of the term “bad art” as art often creates a subjective impact on the human mind which can be grossly categorized into high or low art. Though that would be nothing but an euphemism, I still tend to believe an artist can be unsuccessful commercially (though that can never be the yardstick for assessment) or personally but then he creates unsatisfactory art.
Sorri if my comment is too long. And I’d love to hear from you once you chk out my poetry book. The details are on my blog. Should you have any problem with downloading, do let me know n I’d mail u the PDF.thanks a lot for this wonderful post on Art once again.
Excuse me for the typos errors. Really sorry.
I love your post Floreta! Very much! I can relate.
.-= joemill´s last blog ..Celebrating Life at Cebu Wetland Resort =-.
Hehe, the Picasso quote is one of my favourite — ties into one of my rants/musings on childhood!
http://blog.mrseb.co.uk/2009/04/when-we-were-young-the-world-was-so-beautiful/
Also, note the quote from Kafka at the top.
Some might say that death merely exists so that we can return to that base state of childhood — there’s no other way to get back there…
yep I remember that article! Quite possibly my favorite article of yours
I like the concept of death being a returning to childhood. I think it makes a lot of sense to me because in life, seniors often seem to revert back to childlike qualities as they lose agility and so on. They also need a little extra care and attention like a child needs. In an ‘afterlife’ sense, who knows if it’s a return to childlike innocence, but I like that thought
Floreta,
I enjoyed your thoughts on creativity very much. So much truth here, I think your muse offered much here. For me creativity is a mix of doing the things I want to be creative with. Most my poetry comes from blending with taking in the spirit of nature. If I replace this time with dating or other things,,,,, that expression slows way down. So I spend time again in the wild and the muse expresses instantly. Same with my new drawing passion, I do it. I take lessons, and you are so right, don’t judge, just let it flow.
.-= Tammie´s last blog ..Love =-.
I don’t think you ever truly *lose* your muse. Maybe she plays hide and seek with you, but a creative soul is always a creative soul. So, like you said, it’s a matter of tapping into it. I think that tap can come in many forms. Habit/routine/discipline. Or emotional catalyst. There’s probably even more ways than that, but I think those are the most common. So it’s about where you are in life, and/or what works for you.
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..Internal juggle =-.
Nice introspective post on creativity. I think the best way to be creative is to just make some time to focus on it. Life is a continued rush that can leave time for little else. Take time.
A great take on the prompt, and true!
.-= Carina´s last blog ..You Are =-.
I couldn’t agree with you more. Tapping into creativity is sometimes a challenge of mine but I know that once it’s flowing it is flowing. I’m still working on emptying my cup too, some days I’m fuller than others. Great post!
.-= Holly Renee´s last blog ..Many Faiths, One Truth =-.
There will be ups and downs. It’s all part of the process
I had great promise when I was younger, but for whatever reasons, although I was able to find work as an artist by a variety of mediums, jewellry, sign work, graphics, I somehow lost that kind of inner dialogue for my own work of paint on canvas. I’v e done some good stuff, but it never “went” anywhere. Perhaps all I had were a few really good works in me. But for some time it’s been a bit of chore to sit at the canvas. I don’t seem to have much to say and others have said it better. How to call back the muse how to open that door again….I’m not sure, but I wish I could, when it was flowing it was wonderful to ride that wave and to sit back and see something that I’d wonder…wow, how’d that happen. It all feels so predictable now. I’m creative in other ways certainly, but not with that same passion that I once had…perhaps it’s just my age….