THE SOLITARY PANDA

Head Lice

This post is part of Lilu’s TMI Thursdays. Check out Live it Love it for more stories.

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I had head lice once, in grade school. You know, when people normally get it like how kids normally get chicken pox. I remember we went through a whole school inspection, with those special fine combs, and it was official. I had lice. When you’re a kid, it’s not quite so bad because you have an excuse. You’re a kid, and you have no care in the world. Lice may be gross, but so are boogers, and you eat them. Mom did all the things you’re supposed to do. Wash all my sheets and bedding. Pillowcases. Clothing. Being a kid didn’t make me immune to the embarrassment and shame, but it wasn’t so bad.

Twenty some years later I am back in the Philippines. It was my first or second week here when I was hanging out with my cousin, aged 8, and suckered into staying the night with her to sleep in their room instead of the guest room that was set up for me in the other house next door. It’s not so bad. They have air conditioner, and the guest room does not. Just a small fan that does nothing because every morning I still wake up covered in sweat. It is so hot here, and I am not used to this heat…

My cousin, and her mom all sleep in the same bed. It was big enough for one more person, but suffice it to say, it was a bit of a snug sleeping experience with my 8 year old cousin in the middle.

You can see where this story is going. I didn’t know it then until a week later. But both my cousins have lice, and so do practically all my kid cousins. Yeah. There’s a bit of a lice problem in the Philippines. They joked that I am a real Pinay (Filipina) now that I have lice. Apparently, lots of the females get it. Look who’s proud to be Pinay now? I mean. It’s embarrassing. I’m not too happy that I have a lice problem. My aunt sat combing through my hair and dozens of these tiny bugs came crawling onto the white shirt she had laid over her lap. The big mother lice were black, and fat with my blood. The babies are still white or beige in color and not so big. It’s strange to think a whole city of parasites live on my head. I mean, no wonder I’ve been so itchy. But I’ve been in denial.

I finally broke that denial the other night when I was itching playing with my hair and found a beige colored bug on my finger. Horrified, I Google image searched “lice” to confirm that was the bug I was staring at right in front of me. The next morning, in quiet, dejected shame, I told them.

Ng kikitan ko sa koto ang akong buhok. I probably butchered that, and I had to ask them what past tense of “to find” was. But basically “I found lice in my hair.” Lice. Koto. What. The. Hell?

I wondered if lice could survive in things like beards and pubic hair. I wondered if, after scratching my head, and masturbating, I might have acquired lice down there. Then I tried to remember if it felt itchy down there and I haven’t noticed it. Disgusting. Denial. Good thing I shave, right?

Living amongst the people in different cultures has its ups and downs. For me, living in a third world country meant catching lice for a second time. Hey, it’s all part of the travel charm. You gotta roll with the punches. And sometimes that means getting infectious diseases, or getting deported, or having to renew your passport because you know you want to stay longer than a year (and by you, I mean me), or who knows what.

This is how I roll.
I am leaving in less than six days for the Zen monastery. While the experience is not monastic training, and shaving our heads is not required, I had asked if I could choose to do it anyway. I’ve been wanting to shave my head since I was 19 and all punk rock anti-establishment. I was too chicken then. And my head shape is flat. So much for rejecting status-quo, in my green colored pixie short hair and spikes that made me look kind of like a dyke. But I mean, I’m bisexual so I guess that means I’m half-dyke. I don’t care.

I can’t think of a better time to shave my head than when I have a lice problem and I am going to live monastically for four months of total seclusion at a monastery where monks really do shave their head and I won’t be around the public. That’s perfect, right? They told me it’s inappropriate for girls to shave their head but I saw a girl monk with her head shaved so I call bull shit. In any event, I’m going to try to convince them to shave my head because of my lice problem, OR I’m going to have my aunt who owns a hair salon do it the day before I leave for the monastery. Once I make up my mind on something, I don’t let go.

That’s why I’m here now, in the Philippines, and that’s why I’m finally going to shave my head.

Good thing I have head lice.