A Quiet Confidence
“The Cui klan is quiet, but strong,” my tita (aunt) said to me.
Up until now, I hadn’t ever considered that my personality traits had to do with a family unit as a whole, and not just me, as an individual. This quiet confidence I have, that embodies my introverted nature, embodies my family heritage too? Who would have known. I didn’t realize such a thing could be a familial trait. But it’s true. My family here are small, quiet people. But strong. Just like my family has a handful of talented artists, so too do I.
This “quiet confidence” that I have that everything will work out? It’s embedded in generations. I like that. It makes me smile, and nod like the rolling of the hills.
In America, it’s so easy to forget where you came from. Not only is it a young, “melting pot” nation, it is also built on a model of Independence because of it. American’s rugged independence is so embedded in my world view that going back to my roots, to Asia, has got me so surprised to realize I am a part of something. I am a part of the Cui klan, and the Cui klan is strong. I am strong. It makes me proud to think that I am made up of a collective family tree, ancestry and heritage. It sounds so silly to write that as if it’s some big revelation, but I really do forget sometimes, so far removed from this place. Never mind the fact that half of my family history is a complete mystery to me. I never met my biological dad.
The Philippines is both foreign and familiar to me all at once. The dialect is familiar but foreign, as I still grasp hard to understand the language and my surroundings. I am slowly picking up words and what I call communicating in “three-year-old sentences”. I had a full on, legitimately Filipino conversation with a neighbor boy on Facebook for about 10 minutes and was proud of myself that if I couldn’t form sentences out of my mouth, where my brain synapses are still much too slow, at least I could type them out. I’m learning and that’s all that matters.
Being a part of the Cui Klan in a foreign culture, yet, my culture, is confusing at best. I blend in too easily here. I’m not a Westerner, or a Foreigner, but legitimately a Filipina. People assume I speak the Cebuano dialect and then I am found out when they realize I don’t. They assume I am Catholic and so I say a little prayer and make the sign of the cross like a good little Catholic girl should. Everything about it is foreign, including the religion. It’s equal parts sad as it is fascinating to me. Sometimes, I wish I could be that good little Catholic girl, but I know my spirituality is better off beyond boxes and statues and communions and churches.
I have a quiet confidence, and I got it from my family. I have an artistic touch and I got it from my family. It’s all here, in plain site. My family, like me, no longer practice their art in the traditional way, but they have transferred their creativity in other ways. Through cooking amazing meals, and through starting their own hair salon. And, through writing. A quiet confidence that things will happen naturally when they’re meant to, and meant to be.
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12 Responses to “A Quiet Confidence”
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We all need to be reminded of where we come from, and to give respect to the long chain of human lives that have linked together to bring us here today. Thank you for the reminder.
.-= bard´s last blog ..Another Day =-.
I love the way bard put that.
And yes, I think America does stress independence over family in a lot of ways. That’s one thing I think they would benefit from: a return to this sense of belonging. It can provide such a strong sense of security for young people growing up. Actually I see more of that in the Midwest, where people still see their grandparents once or more a week, and where your family moved “away” — a whole 3 hr drive! (Versus I moved away from my family — 3 hrs by plane!)
.-= Kristan´s last blog ..This just in =-.
It’s been over 2 years since I visited the Philippines. I am ready to go back and re-connect with my roots. I was raised a Catholic and I speak 2 local languages fluently. I inherited the tightly knit family value. Something I am very proud of. =)
Great post!!!
before I got here, it had been over 6 years for me!! And good, you SHOULD be proud of that. I am much more westernized.. Do not have the tight knit family values, nor am I Catholic… lol
I’ve always thought of buying a beach house there when I have enough money. I feel that wherever life leads me, the Philippines will always be my home. I think I can convince my husband to retire then when we’re ready.
.-= Chloe´s last blog ..For the Love of Dancing =-.
I also feel a special connection to the Philippines and that it will always be my home. Not JUST because I’m from there, of course. It’s hard to explain.. I just feel much more at peace when honoring my roots.
and so it begins
Looking forward to all the cultural comparisons that this journey will bring you 
I love that the first thing you picked up was the group-nature vs our individualism. That’s a theme that will follow you this whole year, i’m sure
Enjoy the Journey.
-Chase
.-= Chase´s last blog ..I’m Starving =-.
Being familiar to your Taiwan blog, of course I was ready and welcoming the community change.
But it was very blatant from the very beginning! More than I thought it would be! Still have mixed feelings about it all, but I think it will teach me a lot. 
I’m looking forward to it.
You are on one fantastic adventure, lady.
.-= J´s last blog ..My Life! No, MY Life! =-.
“quiet confidence” i love that
you know floreta, i miss the feeling of being foreigner or stranger to a place. there is something about beginnings that make me feel clumsy yet refreshing. i like the part when you said that you know that your spirituality is beyond boxes.
ps
let me know if you really wanna visit iloilo
Hmmm I like your perspective. Clumsy yet refreshing.
If only I could view it with such fresh eyes. lol. I’ve had a rough start..
and yes, I will definitely want to visit you in Iloilo.
Hopefully you won’t mind a guest for a few days hehe.
Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan ay hindi makakarating sa paroroonan. Jose Rizal
Please ask somebody to translate that proverb. hehe
.-= Kikit´s last blog ..In Her Shoes =-.