Bathtub Rash
Part of LiLu’s TMI Thursdays. Click for more awesomely bad posts.
I was eight years old when I discovered how “tingly” it felt to run my fingers around my little girl parts. I only ever did it over panties. But it felt good. And I’d rub furiously. Learning friction was fun. It felt like being tickled.
Mom caught me one day, under the blankets. A little mound of fast hands. She told me that was bad. And that I shouldn’t do it anymore. She might as well have told me it was the devil. I didn’t know what this was, or what I’d done, but I felt so ashamed. No one told me this was wrong.
Masturbation wasn’t something I learned about again until years later as a teenager. With the wonderful advent of the internet, I could search information that put my health class to shame. Internet forums. Detailed how-tos on blow jobs, masturbation, tips and techniques. Diagrams of the vulva. Learning what the clitoris was.
I had my fair share of seedy internet guy friends. The ones that would show me naked pictures of their fat, erect dicks against rulers. One dick, with a quarter on top to show the relationship of girth. If the quarter were a person, and his dick were a bed, it’d be a king sized one. That’s for sure. But, I didn’t care about braggy pictures. Not as a virgin, probably, not even now. As much as I like men who are “as big as my wrists”, guys who get all high and mighty about their big dicks really turn me off. Which is to say probably every guy “as big as my wrists”. If only dicks weren’t attached to egos, but that doesn’t stop me from liking them.
I had a Mormon friend who got asked once if she’d ever looked at her pussy. I mean really looked at it, in a mirror. Studied it. Enjoyed it. Some guy suggested she should, on the internet. Weird things can happen on the internet, and she was horrified. She’d never do such a thing!
Really, looking at your own pussy is a great learning process to self-exploration. And so, if she wouldn’t do it, I would! I didn’t tell her that, but I just grabbed a hand-held mirror one day and looked. That whole debacle inspired me, I guess. I turned the mirror round and round. Switching from normal view to magnified view and back again. I’d look at myself spread out on the floor, with a full length closet mirror in my parent’s room. Back against their bed, gazing, touching, feeling. I’d stare closely at my clit, rub it furiously then stare closely at it again. I read that they were supposed to enlarge after stimulation, and I wanted to see it happen.
Sixteen was when I learned about masturbation. When it clicked that this was the name for something I had discovered at age eight. When I’d read about orgasms and what they were and what they felt like. How you could tell when you were having one. These experiments were done home alone, of course. I think being sixteen was kind of a late bloomer, but I’m sure I made up for it.
The bathtub technique intrigued me. Everything I learned from Google. Because who knew you could orgasm from water pressure? Hot tubs. Showerheads. Unfortunately, they were not available, but the bathtub was. I masturbated every day that year. Sixteen was a good year. A very good year.
Each night, I’d take a shower and then finish off with the faucet running until the hot water got cold. I’d lie against my back, prop my hips up with the strength of my arms to hold it; like some crazy yoga move. I’d practice the art of orgasm. Moving myself in minor adjustments to hit the spot just right. Undulating my hips up and down until the feeling seemed unbearable and I’d invert my back to an arch with my head still against the mat; like a sardine version of the yoga fish posture. I learned about multiples in that bathtub.
Only thing was, as soon as I started this bathtub ritual, I began to get a rash on my back. Surely, it was no coincidence. The rash got so bad that my skin would start to flake and peel off. Little rash scabs. It covered my entire back. That didn’t stop me from my ritual, but eventually my parents noticed and I had to get it fixed. I never told them why the rash started. How do you approach a conversation like that? I would scrub and scrub and scrub the bathtub clean with soap, and mom’s bathroom cleaner, but still the rash did not stop. I felt so ashamed. Maybe I was being punished all over again, just like that night at age eight.
Eventually, the rash got better, and I weaned myself off of the bathtub; my favorite vice. I masturbated every night before I went to sleep. To help me sleep. The very first vibrator I used was an electric squiggly pen from my childhood days. I don’t masturbate daily now, but I do it a healthy amount. To this day, my back still has uneven skin tone and blotchy spots; barely noticeable now, but enough for me to nitpick. As embarrassing as it is, I have blotchy skin because of my sixteen year-old bath rubs.
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49 Responses to “Bathtub Rash”
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*slow clap*
Like you, I started learning masturbation (even if I didn't know what it was) when I was really young too. Except I never got caught. To this day, I don't understand why people freak out over masturbation.
You could always look at the rash marks as proof of your work.
My first orgasm was from a high pressured shower hose.
Mm.
Sometimes wish I could go back to the times when I was first discovering my body.
Loved this post.
This was TMI × TMI × TMI
Haha… I don't have many comments on your topic, but I'm sure I won't see you with same eyes as before, I mean I'm talking about your back
Hahaha!! I wonder if the two really are connected somehow… it seems like years later, it would have cleared up??
I got my start in the bathtub too…. I never got a rash thank goodness. I also played a bit with a hairbrush.
I'm pretty sure I got caught when I was really young…. but then again i just recently found out the back massager in my moms underwear drawer was actually NOT a massager… for the back at least.
hahaha ok I just had to check my back before I slept to make sure and it's really not that bad! Something only I would notice… really.
yes it's totally natural. animals in the wild do it! nothing to get freaked out over.
an yes! masturbation marks! love it.
yum!
And absolutely. The times when I was first discovering my body were verry very fun times.
My first “vibrator” was a vibrating pen too! Thank God it wasn't just me.
I guess your back was all worth it. I discovered the bath option when I moved to the UK. In the Caribbean, we only had the fixed showers.
Maybe some self-love will ease my insomnia.
LOL Yes! A girls gotta have some ingenuity! ^_~
I used to feel so ashamed for having sexual tendencies when I was younger. Now I don't feel so alone..Cheers!
Oh and congrats on the .com page!!!
The bathtub is where it's at! But preferably without a rash..
I'm sure a hairbrush is better than other objects I can think of..
It does tend to put me to sleep or relax me! So it might help w/ insomnia.
I'd say my back was worth it
Thank you!! I thought you stopped blogging!
i did for a while, lost inspiration. but i'm back. good luck india! can't wait to read about your adventures..
That's a great post — from what could have been tawdry and voyeuristic. You're a talented one, right enough
How do you feel about the uneven tone of your back, these days — is it a reminder you cringe to think of, or you smile to yourself?
When I was younger… I'm glad i at least had a cousin of the same age to talk about such things with. I haven't used the mirror, though. Hmmm…
PS; i have really small wrists. LOL
I still can’t comment via my bb
I can at least get to the comment form now through disqus, but the button to click for post does not show up, I hope it’s just my phone and you’re not cockblocking other bb commenters.
anyways, I really wish that when I was 16 I knew girls were doing this, I remember them feeling so awkward about their snatches haha.
.-= Mr C´s last blog ..Andy Warhol Goes Shopping =-.
Huh, but how can I see this comment then? I deactivated disqus :X I have blog comment ADD!
hi feverdog!
do I 'know' you from my old blog. I can't tell on disqus.
Great question. I kind of wish it were more even but it's not a big deal to me. Actually, this is the first time I've ever admitted this story to anyone.. Not even past boyfriends! And none of them have mentioned it so like I said.. don't think it's that noticeable.
lol, truth be told.. my wrists are small too. but for a penis.. lol, it's above average!!
You know the rash probably came from the cleaning fluid you used…? They’re very abrasive and most skin types don’t react well with them.
.-= Sebastian´s last blog ..Harder than it looks =-.
Good point Sebby. Hmm. You’re probably right
What was I thinking..
I like and admire your honesty and openess.
I was quite a bit older till I started exploring
the pleasures of my own body. Which was mostly
because of teasing, being told it was bad and because
I was abused a year younger than you were when you started.
Ever since I was a teenager I’ve masterbated often.
I do it quite often now ever since I’ve liked a girl who lives far away, whom
I haven’t met. Though never with her at the same time because of her beliefs. Sorry to hear about your rash issue, glad it’s better.
You’re a very pretty girl and I wish you a lovely weekend. <3
.-= Russ´s last blog ..A Time You May Embrace, a Time to Refrain from Embracing (Saying Goodbye to 2009 Differently) =-.
There was a time when I thought girls can’t masturbate…I freaked out when I learned they can as well.Is it a bigger turn on for them than for guys?n grt post…luv ur honesty n frankness as always.
.-= Deeptesh´s last blog ..Snow dreams =-.
that’s funny! i guess it would make sense why you didn’t think so.. we do it differently! as for a bigger turn on… i’m not sure, i haven’t been a guy
but, i’m happy with what i got! haha.
.-= floreta´s last blog ..Sake Heart-to-Heart =-.
I used my squiggle pen too!!! I had no idea what I was doing….just that it felt good.
.-= Em´s last blog .. =-.
hahaha! AWEsome! It’s not just me then
LMAO. Somehow MY first story of discovery involved the side of the couch.. or a remote control. DON’T ASK — or should you? LOL.
I love TMI Thursday.
.-= Brittney´s last blog ..A Little (Less) LaMidge! =-.
For some odd reason, I like this story a ton…not in a creepy internet stalker kinda way, but in an honest, self-discovery type of way.
.-= OmegaRadium´s last blog ..“It’s morphin time”…again! =-.
thank you
that means a lot! yes, it’s a very honest self-discovery journey. i used to hate my rash but actually writing all this down [for the first time] and getting the comments here make me feel better; like my skin has great stories.
I need a cold shower now…should be able to avoid a back rash though.
Nice post!
Good! ha, wouldn’t want you to get a rash now. I tried my antics again rash-free
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